by Jon Hillman
Guest
Let me start off by saying that this is by no means the worst movie I have ever seen. I would however say that this still falls into the category of “surely these people didn’t seriously think they were making a good movie”. Whether this is Alan Gorg playing some kind of joke or just being completely oblivious to what a decent film should be, it’s still pretty bad.
You start the film with three women in the most retro 80’s dancing suits imaginable dancing to some of the worst retro 80’s porn music imaginable. Had the film just been about an hour and a half of that, Gorg may have been on to something. Unfortunately the opening credits start to roll soon after and we meet the main character (whose name I have already forgotten and don’t care to remember, nor do I care to try watching the movie again to try and find it) who has lived in the mountains with his “rancher” father his whole life and still managed to grow up a wimp. Dying to make it as a musician and tired of his mountain home, he steals his father’s truck and heads off to Hollywood.
Once there, he buys a guitar and walks into a music studio (which apparently has no security) and onto the set of a music video shoot (which apparently has no music or musicians, just the same dancers and terrible music from the beginning of the movie). Using his guitar, he begins to play music, which magically consists of bass and drums, but somehow no actual guitar. The woman over the music video shoot, who while frustrated, still feels sorry for the guy, and gives him a job at the studio, cleaning toilets mostly. The two begin a secret love affair, which consists of situations most states would consider rape, sex scenes that seem random and unsexy (yet at the same time quite acrobatic), and hair that magically changes length mid- and post-coitous.
Meanwhile, back in the mountains, the father seeks the help of the local sheriff, a bible thumping, as far to right as you can get conservative, raging lunatic, to help find his son and get his beloved truck back. The father and the sheriff, who don’t seem to own any kind of vehicle between them, make their way to L.A. on foot. Once there, the sheriff loses his mind in what he calls a place of sin and begins shooting up anything he can.
The overall movie consists of terrible acting on all parts, terrible music, a terribly written script, terrible overall plot, terrible anything and everything one can imagine, including fashion and visual appeal, which makes the film look like it was shot late 80’s or early 90’s despite that it was supposedly shot in 2011. Like I said, by no means the worst movie I have ever seen, but Ebola also isn’t as bad as AIDS. That certainly doesn’t mean I want either. Please avoid this one at all cost.
