JG Hanks
Staff
Review originally written on December 2, 2008.
I have been waiting to get this movie for some time. I put it on my Netflix as soon as I heard about it and after watching it with a big group of unsuspecting friends, I am EXTREMELY happy I didn’t get it while the wife was still pregnant. The movie itself was brilliant, but I can’t imagine ever wanting to watch it a second time, except maybe to show someone who hasn’t seen it. It is very graphic in the violence department and these French film makers don’t wuss out on showing the goods like us Americans….. cough…. Hostel….. cough.
So what the hell is it about?
Well, the movie starts with a bloody mess of a woman named Sarah who just got smashed in a car accident. To top it off she is pregnant AND her husband Matthieu dies in the carnage. No that’s not a spoiler, they hardly mention him again after this point. Way to go, moving on gene. There are some cool, I know how expensive that would be in real life because I contemplated it with my baby, 4-D shots of Sarah’s child in distress but everything besides her face seems A-OK. Cut to the hospital a few months later. Sarah is about to have her baby, on Christmas day no less (Christian symbolism maybe? hmmmm) and her doctor friend is telling her to just calm down, everything will be ok. I think there is some sort of deal among doctors secretly to see how many times they can say that phrase a day (like meow from Super Troopers). Anyways, they will induce in the AM, after baby Jesus gets his props. Sarah’s mom and her boss ask to stay the night with her but Sarah ain’t having it. Her black cat will keep away the batshit crazy lady dressed like a Goth queen with a Lauren Hutton smile and a penchant for sharp utensils – oh wait, now that’s a spoiler.
Enter crazy black dress lady. Action! She manages to get in the house even after Sarah calls the po po – or le pew pew (French remember?) – and anyone who steps foot in the house has some part of their body pierced without their permission. No genital is spared. Scissors and a knitting needle are the weapons of choice. WTF?! Why is this lady going nuts? She seems to think Sarah is carrying HER baby so she is ready to cut her out and take her home. Oh yeah, that makes perfect sense. In Bizarro world. No, not even Bizarro world can explain the batshitterry of this psychopath. And why does through the entire film the house look like the Wu Tang Clan have been smoking out in the living room. Lots of fog white people. Understand? What the fuck is that lady’s problem? They explain it I guess but I didn’t really understand. I would like to believe she was just nuts. How else could she have just used those scissors and cut…wait…just wait…I don’t want to spoil it for you. Please watch this movie. Don’t eat first, just to be safe. These are the types of movies that make me happy we can buy unrated versions. This wouldn’t fly in a theater. Unless I owned it.
Rent it here. And pass it along, The Ring style.
